Arab vs Arab

There is something that has come to my attention. Something I have noticed in the past, but was not too concerned about. Today, however, this frightens me quite a bit. It is the hatred we Arabs have for one another. When you live abroad, it is only natural to assume that people who share a common background will bond. However, this is not necessarily true and can be very untrue depending on where you are from. Not many people bring this up because it can make situation quite awkward, but it is there....lurking in the background. If an Arab from the Gulf meets an Arab from the northern countries or even North Africa,...there is a secret underlying hatred that stems from the economic superiority of Gulf Arabs. Although it is not always overtly expressed, it is there and sometimes expressed through innuendo. For example, I met a friend of mine for some coffee the other day. As I watched her pouring mounds and mounds of syrup into her black coffee I said, "Maybe you'd like to use some sweetener, it does the job and doesn't take much effort." She responded with, "Of course, you're from Bahrain, you know everything. What do we know, us poor Lebanese people." Although this was meant in good fun etc., it disturbed me. I don't feel superior to anyone, nor do I want people to hate me because of preconceived notions about the region from which I come. Having money does not make you better than anyone else as I'm sure many people say but don't believe. Having money to many people is equal to having success and fulfillment. Little do they know that with money comes much more struggle than you would have to put up with without it. Another thing is the fact that people from these countries, Shaam, North Africa etc...assume that the money is "ours" to be shared. This can be exemplified in Nasrallah's belief that Israel's destruction of Lebanon is irrelevant to his mission as there is "piles of money" in the Gulf just waiting to be used to rebuild Lebanon. However, before the discovery of petroleum in the Gulf, Gulf Arab labourers were looked down upon and segregated against. To this day, these people in the Shaam believe they are culturally and socially superior to Gulf Arabs and are just nice to them because they need their money. But when money is not involved, their hatred surfaces and it scares me. They repeat that these Arabs did not work for their money...they were simply sitting on Petrol...and the money which they make from the sale of this natural resource should be shared.
First of all, let me say I don't have anything against anyone based upon where they are from. I do, however, have something against certain attitudes that people adopt. Specially the non-GCC attitude towards Gulf Arabs. When it comes to the issue of wealth and petrol, I say finders keepers...and sharing the wealth is an option, one that Non-GCC Arabs should be greatfull for. When the Gulf was dominated by poverty, we did not see any help from these countries and therefore, now that the table has turned it is wonderful to see that Gulf Arabs have not held a grudge. However, Non-GCC Arabs see their superiority compromised by the wealth in the Gulf and therefore have adopted an attitude to help them cope with their "downfall". Let me reiterate, money does not automatically mean superiority. But at the same time, it seems that these people hate us for just this reason. It is very confusing to me.

Stepping Out

I thought it was high time to write another entry to this blog. This time, however, I will try to discuss a matter that is prevalent in all societies and all human relationships. I call it "stepping out". Have you ever noticed that at times dealing with the people in your life gets really tiresome and can even serve to drain you emotionally. It is usually a situation that is quite difficult to deal with. For me, it has always been about tackling the problem head on, surging forward and living life as I have always lived it. It may mean that there are several confrontations to deal with as well as snags in your relationships, but I have always preferred dealing with problems rather than ignoring them. However, today I have come to the realization that things can be quite different if you want them to be.

From now on, I aim to use a technique that is designed to bring me the inner peace I have been craving for so long. This social technique, "stepping out", is quite simple. No longer do you have to put yourself in awkward situations where pretending things are normal gets very difficult to do. From now on, you can just step out when you feel as though you've had too much. I promise it is quite liberating. As a novice, I don't have much experience to boast about, but I can say that all the pent up heaviness seems to melt away after you have completed this successfully. As this is beginning to sound very vague and philosophical, allow me to provide you with a vignette. For quite some time, there has been this person in my life who has presented a constant, never-ending challenge. I just can't win. And even if I did win, they would never acknowledge it as they are so wrapped up in their own world, a very self-centered egotistical place. So, what is the point of fighting a battle you know you'll never be able to win? None...there is no point. Therefore, I have chosen to back off...I won't step into the murky waters, I will back off. This way, I become a keen observer rather than a competitor, the opposition. I am no longer the enemy, but the audience. And what happens to competition when the enemy has withdrawn? The natural assumption would be that it would end. However, when it comes to those whose self-esteem and insecurities are so over-powering, the battle continues...alone, in the dark. And what better way to free oneself than escaping the dark? I can not think of a better one. You see, by stepping out, withdrawing, escaping, I can finally be free.

Of course, this does not mean that this person is no longer a part of my life, they always will be; it simply means that I have acknowledged the fact that, since I am aware of this predicament, it would be easier for me to make the change than my competitor. This does not mean that I have lost, far from it. It means I have superseded the frivolity that has dominated my life thus far. It does not mean that I have won either, I am nothing more than a separate entity. This, as I see it, is the only way in which this relationship can survive. Now, I can grow as an individual, with or without physical separation. What could be more liberating?

Another example of this attitude can be applied to another relationship in my life, one of a supposed romantic nature. Firstly, let me assure you that I am no firm believer in love. I believe in attachment and fondness; suitable company. Love is merely distorted attraction, attachment and self obsession. You see, in my case, I don't miss the person as much as I miss the person I become when I am with them. It is the person you become when you are around certain people that you miss more than the actual person per se. This can be deemed as self-obsessive; however, it is not so much self-obsessive as it is a solution for loneliness and a quest for purpose. If you live for someone, the weak mind of human emotions assumes that you now have a purpose, a reason to live. What more can one ask for when the life-long quest for purpose is fulfilled? You no longer feel as though you have to face it alone. Of course, there is familial love, however, it pales in comparison to the love one gets from a stranger. When another human being loves you, not because they have to, but for your own sake, it boosts confidence beyond belief and makes you "worthy". Worthy of the affection that is being ladled all over you. But who is to say that another human being is the only thing that gives you a purpose and makes you worthy? I believe my accomplishments, my achievements and those who love me prove me worthy. However, if I had only my achievements and personal success to look back on, I assure you, I would feel empty.

Now, back to the subject at hand. This person is one who has been disappointed by my actions, one who believes I am no longer worthy of their trust, maybe even of their affection. How would you handle a situation of this sort. Very simply. Step out. After giving it time to settle, priorities, the value of the relationship and its plausible success become clear as crystal and only then can you move forward. If you continue to battle yourself, push forward without a goal in sight, you end up in pain. Therefore, time, an essential principal of this technique, serves to clarify what seems to have become muddled. Desperation and pursuit will get you no where if you are laboring towards an aimless goal.