Stepping Out

I thought it was high time to write another entry to this blog. This time, however, I will try to discuss a matter that is prevalent in all societies and all human relationships. I call it "stepping out". Have you ever noticed that at times dealing with the people in your life gets really tiresome and can even serve to drain you emotionally. It is usually a situation that is quite difficult to deal with. For me, it has always been about tackling the problem head on, surging forward and living life as I have always lived it. It may mean that there are several confrontations to deal with as well as snags in your relationships, but I have always preferred dealing with problems rather than ignoring them. However, today I have come to the realization that things can be quite different if you want them to be.

From now on, I aim to use a technique that is designed to bring me the inner peace I have been craving for so long. This social technique, "stepping out", is quite simple. No longer do you have to put yourself in awkward situations where pretending things are normal gets very difficult to do. From now on, you can just step out when you feel as though you've had too much. I promise it is quite liberating. As a novice, I don't have much experience to boast about, but I can say that all the pent up heaviness seems to melt away after you have completed this successfully. As this is beginning to sound very vague and philosophical, allow me to provide you with a vignette. For quite some time, there has been this person in my life who has presented a constant, never-ending challenge. I just can't win. And even if I did win, they would never acknowledge it as they are so wrapped up in their own world, a very self-centered egotistical place. So, what is the point of fighting a battle you know you'll never be able to win? None...there is no point. Therefore, I have chosen to back off...I won't step into the murky waters, I will back off. This way, I become a keen observer rather than a competitor, the opposition. I am no longer the enemy, but the audience. And what happens to competition when the enemy has withdrawn? The natural assumption would be that it would end. However, when it comes to those whose self-esteem and insecurities are so over-powering, the battle continues...alone, in the dark. And what better way to free oneself than escaping the dark? I can not think of a better one. You see, by stepping out, withdrawing, escaping, I can finally be free.

Of course, this does not mean that this person is no longer a part of my life, they always will be; it simply means that I have acknowledged the fact that, since I am aware of this predicament, it would be easier for me to make the change than my competitor. This does not mean that I have lost, far from it. It means I have superseded the frivolity that has dominated my life thus far. It does not mean that I have won either, I am nothing more than a separate entity. This, as I see it, is the only way in which this relationship can survive. Now, I can grow as an individual, with or without physical separation. What could be more liberating?

Another example of this attitude can be applied to another relationship in my life, one of a supposed romantic nature. Firstly, let me assure you that I am no firm believer in love. I believe in attachment and fondness; suitable company. Love is merely distorted attraction, attachment and self obsession. You see, in my case, I don't miss the person as much as I miss the person I become when I am with them. It is the person you become when you are around certain people that you miss more than the actual person per se. This can be deemed as self-obsessive; however, it is not so much self-obsessive as it is a solution for loneliness and a quest for purpose. If you live for someone, the weak mind of human emotions assumes that you now have a purpose, a reason to live. What more can one ask for when the life-long quest for purpose is fulfilled? You no longer feel as though you have to face it alone. Of course, there is familial love, however, it pales in comparison to the love one gets from a stranger. When another human being loves you, not because they have to, but for your own sake, it boosts confidence beyond belief and makes you "worthy". Worthy of the affection that is being ladled all over you. But who is to say that another human being is the only thing that gives you a purpose and makes you worthy? I believe my accomplishments, my achievements and those who love me prove me worthy. However, if I had only my achievements and personal success to look back on, I assure you, I would feel empty.

Now, back to the subject at hand. This person is one who has been disappointed by my actions, one who believes I am no longer worthy of their trust, maybe even of their affection. How would you handle a situation of this sort. Very simply. Step out. After giving it time to settle, priorities, the value of the relationship and its plausible success become clear as crystal and only then can you move forward. If you continue to battle yourself, push forward without a goal in sight, you end up in pain. Therefore, time, an essential principal of this technique, serves to clarify what seems to have become muddled. Desperation and pursuit will get you no where if you are laboring towards an aimless goal.