Bahrain...My Theory

Islanders
A Sad Satire
**TO BE TAKEN LIGHT-HEARTEDLY WITH A SHOT OF VODKA AS MY DOCTOR ALWAYS SAYS...AT LEAST I THINK HE'S A DOCTOR...HE GIVEs ME NEEDLES**

Q: what is Bahrain? More importantly...what is a Bahraini...
A: There is no such thing as a Bahraini...

Q: Then, what do you call those people who live there.
A: Wow...its a long story...so let me begin

In Bahrain there are five groups of people, none who are "really" Bahraini.
IN ORDER OF SOCIO-POLITICAL IMPORTANCE

# 1: The Sunna or Arabs of Bahrain
These are a group of people who are from mainland Arabian Peninsula (Saudis) who came to Bahrain after a small detour in either Qatar or Kuwait. (The Royal family included)...these are considered to be "Pure" Arabs and therefore are superior. A select group of families who we all know who are guaranteed jobs and special treatment...though they are as hopeless and as big a waste of oxygen as the rest of us...

#2: The Huwala of Bahrain
Huwala haha funny name...yeah sounds like some creature from Pokemon or something...but rest assured...they are real...not real as in authentic, real as in they exist...they are as far from authentic as can be. Why you ask? Let me explain. These are Persians from Iran who came to Bahrain and changed from Shia to Sunna...who pretend to be "pure" Arabs from the Peninsula who went to Iran and then returned after living there for a long period of time. Unfortunately...what they want us to believe and what is true couldn't be as different as Paris Hilton and Mother Teresa's vaginas...They are not Arabs who immigrated then emigrated or vice versa...they are either Iranians from the SOUTH of Iran who have always been Sunna or they are Iranians who turned Sunna...
They pretend not to speak Persian though we know behind closed doors that they do. Mothers and Fathers of the new generations choose to solely speak Arabic in front of their children so as to rid their family tree of any traces of persianness...though this may be as futile and circumcising Haifa Wehbe. We all know who they are, they know who they are and our children will know who they are. + You get 10 Points for identifying them in Where's Waldo...thats always fun...they are a rather strange species of Bahraini and are equalled in complexes only by the Ajam of Bahrain.

#3: The Ajam of Bahrain:
The Ajam of Bahrain...also known as the 2nd runner's up for the title of UNDERDOG (that title belongs to the Baharna). These are the Iranians of Bahrain who admit that they are Iranian due to the fact that they are Shia'a and in order to practice their religion have to be open about where they are from or run the risk of being called the dreaded BAHARNA. They have their mosques, festivals, self-torture...of course these are all segregated from the mosques, festivals and self-torture of the Baharna despite the fact that they share the same religion. This species of Bahraini would rather die (be called iranian) than have people think that they may be Baharna! Yes, yes quite strange...They usually are open about speaking Iranian in a rather crass dialect reminiscent of Iranian villagers. They are what I would call the Blacks of Bahrain. No, not for their skin colour, but for their behaviour...for example.
Mother: My Dear Ghuloom, why the glum face?
Ghuloom: I didn't get the job...
Mother: Don't worry...one day we will have justice...one day a smart man will be given opportunities in this country despite the fact that he is Ijmy..
get the picture...its the whole " i was arrested cuz I'm black" neglecting the fact that he just sliced this woman's nipple off. The woman who lives outside my house and eats paper bags whilst barking naked in my garage makes more sense to me.
Yes, they pity themselves, are quite jealous and have dangerous eyes!! If you tell an Ijmy that you've got a new car...leave it in the garage..or better yet, have the engine taken out and preserved, and even then it might decide to self-destruct. All species of Bahraini are known to be quite envious...the whole islander thing...back biting, jealousy and making you feel that they are completely in love with you whilst laughing in their heads....its a fact...Bahraini's cant be happy for you if something good has come your way so its best not to tell them.

# 4: The Baharna:

As I said before, these are the true Underdogs in Bahrain. They are a mixture of Portuguese and Arabian Peninsula thus their features are quite exotic by Bahraini standards, they are Shi'a and typically believe that the world is against them. Yes, their kind is being suppressed and all and yes, they are detested because people stereotypically believe they are aggressive and dangerous. Some are arrested for no reason, discriminated against and yet unwilling to learn, or do jobs they feel are beneath them. A Bahrani will demand a desk job...what? He can't read and write? Tell him to go to school before he shows his face here again.
The Bahraini response: Its because I am Bahraini...they've come taken my country and leave me starving and unemployed..he will then proceed to the gas station where he will purchase a gallon of petrol and burn the office down...or better yet...a supermarket in the middle of Bahrana Country that caters to them?!?! Buying a perfectly beautiful gown and then ripping it into peices with my teeth is considered crazy...and this isn’t? Yes I know the effects of mixing drugs and alcohol and may have done it on purpose...but really i think it makes more sense than any of this. If I was Bahrani I would just take a job as a construction worker...no...pride comes first and so the fact that they feel that they are discriminated against makes them avoid learning because they feel it would be a pointless effort because they are going to be discriminated against anyway...too scared to take the plunge, they avoid school and then out of desperation demand a desk job and are rejected...thus perpetuating this vicious cycle. THERE ARENT ENOUGH DESK JOBS TO GO AROUND SPECIALLY FOR THE UNQUALIFIED AND WE HAVE FOREIGNERS DOING THE BLUE COLLAR WORK...SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE AND TAKE THEIR JOBS...UNEMPLOYMENT IN BAHRAIN IS A PROBLEM OF PRIDE NOT ECONOMICS....don’t be too hard on them, some of them do work at gas stations...but thats as low as they'd go...very Blacks in America thing going on here...

# 5: The "Expats" ( A species that will become extinct with Bahrainization...in 2007 was it? Yeah...yeah right!)

Class 1: European, American, Japanese, Chinese...hired to do jobs that Bahrain can't trust its own people to do and are paid triple. What?? John Smith was a farmer in England?...well who cares...he's British, he must know how to do anything 10x better than a local...and is treated accordingly...

Class 2: SubHumans
These are the people from India(s) as in all the countries that pretend to be insulted when you call them Indian and resent the fact that you would dare to call them that even though a name is the only thing that differentiates them, Philippines, Some Africans...
these are the people who are imported much like ketchup or anything really when it comes to Bahrain...oh no wait...NOT ALUMINUM!!! Lets pat ourselves on the back for that.... and in the same packaging...actually i think the cargo trucks and planes in which they transport ketchup are a bit fancier......imported to do the Jobs that "Bahraini's" are too proud to do themselves...house labourers, construction workers, shop assistants, janitors, they are paid in pistachio shells and are occasionally raped, beaten and abused...which is when they'll run to...their Embassies...its a common ritual much like mating and hippos....wait shouldn't they be running to shelters?...a shelter is too complex a device to be established in Bahrain...we do have ONE though,..its 2 years old....[Applause]

Class 3: (yes there is lower than SubHuman) Stress Relief
Yes, these are the holes in which Bahraini ( and many many many many many Saudis, Qataris and Emiraties) will put their appendages to release stress. They are then paid in used condoms. Don’t get me wrong, there are some "classy" ones...but those are usually locals willing to take it lying down rather than doing decent honest jobs that the SubHumans do. Yes, pride, but just the right amount which leaves their desire to sell sex intact. Thank God for this class...they may be the lowest of the low...but they, coupled with alcohol and cinemas, are our main tourist attraction. SO in this case its desk or bed, floor and table jobs.